What Else Can We Think About
All day, I carry around a perfectly good mind. It forgets why I entered a room and where I put my…
What Do You Get When You Drop A Pumpkin?
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash. Pumpkins look sturdy while they are sitting politely on the porch….
Don’t Steal
That’s the sort of line that gets a laugh in April, especially from someone who has just finished gathering receipts from…
Why Are Ghosts Such Bad Liars
Why are ghosts such bad liars? You can see right through them. Ghosts have several advantages. They can drift through walls,…
It’s Not a Dad Bod
A father figure takes years to develop. You begin with the occasional slice of birthday cake. Then come the family cookouts,…
I’m Not Lazy!
I’m not lazy. I’m permanently on energy-saving mode. At a certain age, you learn that energy is a valuable resource and…
If Silence Is Golden
If Silence Is Golden, Why Is Everyone So Broke? We have been told for generations that silence is golden. If that…
I’m Not Old-Fashioned.
I’m Not Old-Fashioned. I’m Quality-Controlled. People sometimes call me old-fashioned as though they have discovered a character defect. I prefer quality-controlled….
I Tried Skinny-Dipping.
I tried skinny-dipping. It didn’t work. I went into the water looking exactly like myself and came out looking exactly like…
Progress Was Better Before They Improved It
Progress Was Better Before They Improved It. I have nothing against progress. Some of my favorite things are the result of…
